How to avoid being “Betrayed”?
During family time, my 6 year old son had asked “ What you fear, the most?” Like any kid of his age, he looks his Dad as his Hero 😊! He was so curious to know what makes even his Hero scared? 😆
That question made me to think deep! Responded to him that I won’t fear Darkness, Ghost(never believed it’s existence), bullying and to take important decisions in life. But his enthusiasm waned(his facial expression revealed it)as he haven’t got his answer yet.
BETRAYAL — that was my answer to my son. I have gone through this(Betrayal) several times in my personal and official life. People who knows all these incidents in my circle, still exclaim how are you still holding on to positive approach and trust people even after such life experiences. I will share my response towards the end of this write-up.
Most challenging thing in life is to assess and identify people who may betray us in future. That’s why there is a saying “ TRUST take years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair “
There are lot of moving parts in one’s life, the situations will be trivial and people you would have trusted after years of relationship may turnout to be a betrayer!
Another aspect is on how it feels to be betrayed? Part of you will die, and it takes goodness from your side. You will start suspecting every person around you! The after effects of betrayal is devastating on your psyche.
Coming back to “ How I hold onto positiveness and continue trusting people even after series of betrayals?” The betrayal shows the real character of betrayer.. it’s not a reflection on your ability to read people and their circumstances(You may not be aware of it at all).
Few corrective action I did was to, take ample time(this varies with degree of interaction I do with this person on day to day basis) before allowing the acquaintance/person to move into my inner circle.
See whether the confidential topics you discuss in person being played out against you.
1. Assess whether your ideas which were shared being modified and being used(Act of Plagiarism).
2. Observe the conduct of the person, while you are around and while you are absent (You will get to know how he/she behaved in your absence, if you have a network).
3. Share a false positive info and see how it pans out.. whether it stays secret or it gets the wing.
4. Enable one of the trusted confidant to criticize about you to this person and get the info how he reacts to it.
5. Watch the reaction of this person, while you succeed or fail in personal or official space.
All these are few checks before we start trusting the person whom you meet, interact and work on daily basis (Be it in work or personal space).
There is no guarantee that these checks/measures will prevent you being betrayed. But it will reduce the possibility of being at receiving end often.
Why I still want to trust people around? As per Lao Tzulf “He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted” if I stop trusting people around, I will turn sour and lose my composure and fail to hold on to my natural identity (my attitude), and the biggest loser will be my “self”.
Stay Positive folks!
With Luv
Vijay